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Letters to Cullen

Horace Loves Stella

Horace Loves Stella

Dear Cullen, I finally decorated for fall. It took awhile and I didn't think I'd do it, but eventually I became restless and thought that I should put in a little effort for the season. I took out all of the decorations, even all of my "scarecrow people" that you always made fun of and thought were creepy. I remember how you even named my first one Horace, after your little imaginary friend you had when you were a kid. I think you secretly liked him; it was evident when you started messing around with him and putting him in different...

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Pumpkin Carving

Pumpkin Carving

Dear Cullen, This year we will miss our annual pumpkin-carving contest. I definitely would have won this year, I'm sure of it. I carved pumplins with Brian and Kelly this year, and it reminded me of our first contest when we were in the Norwalk house. I think I brought out the competitiveness in you (just a little bit), because it was your idea. We carved our first pumpkins at the same table, hiding our best work from each other until the "big reveal." Honestly they were both questionable as far as the work goes, but you won for obvious reasons. Here...

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The Holiday Spectacle

The Holiday Spectacle

Dear Cullen, I keep driving by "that house" on Weston Road: The house that decorates for every holiday with as many lights, blow up things, lawn people and holiday scenes as humanly possible. I remember when we used to drive by together, see the red van in their driveway and say "look out, the holiday spectacle is in process," and wonder what new decorations they can possbly pull out for whatever holiday is approaching. We also would notice the many new items each year, and how the decorations for Christmas were somehow now creeping outside of their fenced-in yard. We both agreed...

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Six Months and We Were Silly

Six Months and We Were Silly

Dear Cullen, Today is 6 months since your accident. I can't believe it. It feels like yesterday since I lost you, and I still can't remember that much since it happened. I think my brain is still in "protection mode" and I am just flying through each day to establish some sort of a routine and to move past the pain and sadness. I have been working with the estate attorney on the probate court filings, tax returns and all of the requirements to close down the estate..I don't think many people realize how long it takes, not by choice but by legal requirement. At least it keeps...

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Happy 40th Birthday

Happy 40th Birthday

Dear Cullen, Catching up on my letters, so this is very late. I celebrated your 40th birthday on July 19th. It wasn't what I had planned for you of course. The night of your accident we talked about the plans: the long weekend in the Hamptons at the nicest (only) resort there. We had never been there before but it was on our list of places to visit and it was where you wanted to go. I found the list by the way... Instead, our friends came to the house, knowing it would be hard for me (hard for all of us). We had dinner, drinks and cupcakes. We...

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