This past Friday I said the last official goodbye to you. I took a sailboat ride and scattered your ashes at sea in Westbrook. In reality it was less like scattering and more like pouring, and it was Long Island Sound. But it was nice. The boat captain and her first mate friend were super sweet, supportive and knew the perfect spot for the occasion. It was called the "W" buoy (very appropriate, and can look it up on a map), and was really quiet out there except for the buoy's bells tolling softly as the buoy was swayed by the gentle waves. The rain had finally let up earlier, so the sky was light grey and white with rays of light shining through, and the sunset painted portions of the sky pink, and the water looked like liquid mercury.
Of course there was absolutely no wind. It reminded me of last year when we met your friend in Maryland to sail on his boat - there was NO wind and we only had the motor. You were so excited to have me sail, you said it was calm and peaceful and you loved gliding quietly through the water as the wind and the sails did the work. I still haven't felt that, but I can get the picture from being on 2 sailboats, even with no wind. When we stopped and cut the motor, we floated in silence and it was peaceful. I almost thought you could hear me talking to you, crying and saying goodbye for the third time to my best friend and former "future sailboat captain."
I was somewhat glad there was no wind. Not only did it bring back a good memory, but when researching scattering ashes (because I like to be prepared) I read that I needed to be careful with the wind so that I didn't wind up being covered in ashes. I also read that the ashes stick to hands so bring paper towels (I brought gloves as well but didn't need them - I am neat.) Crazy that I have to think about these things, but no one talks about this issue and what really happens in these situations.
Love you Captain Cullen,