It's been awhile since I have written to you. Our two-year anniversary really threw me, knocked me down and made me really, really sad. I didn't have energy, although I know that writing to you helps me get through my days and to remember our moments, especially the small ones. The last few months have been a blur. I don't really remember most of what happened in my daily life, only that you were not here, the weather started to change, and so many things that we used to do together I now need to do alone.
I had the fireplace cleaned. The Chimney Swifts decided to come back this year and have their babies in our chimney. They were especially loud this time, but I didn't mind the company (except when it smelled bad on especially hot days) :-). The cleaning was a small thing for our large fireplace, but it made me think of our fires, and how we were excited for the first fire of the fall. Murphy would lay on the ottoman at our feet, we would drink wine, read and talk all night. It was great spending that time together.
The cleaning guy that came to the house was really nice, excited about cleaning our chimney because he was 6'5" and "could stand up in our fireplace," and he kept asking questions about how much "we" use our fireplace and whether "we" considered putting a cap on the top to prevent the birds from nesting in the chimney. I couldn't correct him and say "it's just me now." That happens a lot and it is hard to hear.
I will need to have a fire again, alone but with you in my mind. I'm sure you can imagine though how I feel about fire these days. It will take some getting over, but I'll do it, just to prove I can (of course you would expect nothing less).
Lots of love,