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Letters to Cullen

The Fireplace

The Fireplace

  Dear Cullen, It's been awhile since I have written to you. Our two-year anniversary really threw me, knocked me down and made me really, really sad. I didn't have energy, although I know that writing to you helps me get through my days and to remember our moments, especially the small ones. The last few months have been a blur. I don't really remember most of what happened in my daily life, only that you were not here, the weather started to change, and so many things that we used to do together I now need to do alone. I had the fireplace cleaned. The Chimney...

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Remembering our Anniversary

Remembering our Anniversary

Dear Cullen, Today would have been our 2nd anniversary. My parents and your parents both  sent me flowers yesterday. Facebook posted the "memory" of our one year anniversary and my post saying how happy I was and our wedding was the best day ever. It was. And every day after that until April 14th.  Our wedding was perfect. Just the two of us in Lanai, married by the jovial Uncle Mike on a hot Hawaii afternoon on the top of a cliff overlooking the ocean at the Four Seasons. I remember the spectacular view, how we commented that is was...

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Cheffing

Cheffing

Dear Cullen, I am starting to cook again. Not the cheffing that you used to do (yes I made up that word), but a little minor cooking for myself. Whenever I am in the kitchen I remember all of the "cook-ups" that we used to do on the weekends (o.k., it was you mainly cooking and me sous-cheffing, but I helped and I kept your wine glass full!). I'd give anything to sous-chef for you again CW. Fun times and great food, and I learned a lot about the best tools and techniques and your best tricks for making delicious meals. I loved how...

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Ashes in the Wind

Ashes in the Wind

Dear Cullen, This past Friday I said the last official goodbye to you. I took a sailboat ride and scattered your ashes at sea in Westbrook. In reality it was less like scattering and more like pouring, and it was Long Island Sound. But it was nice. The boat captain and her first mate friend were super sweet, supportive and knew the perfect spot for the occasion. It was called the "W" buoy (very appropriate, and can look it up on a map), and was really quiet out there except for the buoy's bells tolling softly as the buoy was swayed by the...

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Tears in Grand Central

Tears in Grand Central

Dear Cullen, Today was the first day officially back in the office in the City. The brutally long commute, the train, the battle with tourists in Times Square. I knew immediately when I boarded the train that it would be rough. I thought of when we used to text each other in the morning to say have a great day, I love you, can't wait to see you tonight, and my heart broke for the thousandth time. But I held in the tears as best I could. The first crying spell came at noon, when I saw someone from my team who hugged...

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